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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27242815">Chained to You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepsiRabbit/pseuds/dannyvhs'>dannyvhs (PepsiRabbit)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Saw (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Apprentice Adam, Hurt/Comfort, Lawrence is divorced, M/M, One Shot Collection, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, chainshipping - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:14:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27242815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepsiRabbit/pseuds/dannyvhs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the world goes to hell and it's the end of everything, hold onto anything. Even if anything means the clouded memories in your head and the man you were chained in a bathroom with. Everyone can change and heal with time.</p><p>And Lawrence and Adam are trying their damnedest.</p><p>Collection of one offs based on writing prompts. Tags will update accordingly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Adam Can't Tie a Tie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i keep writing these as stress relief and don't wanna post them all separately so here y'all go. Canon may get a little wobbly at some points and may jump around the timeline depending on the prompt<br/>enjoy some self-indulgent adam/lawrence</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adam has an important interview, but can't tie his tie. Lawrence has a feeling that there's more to this than simply being unable to tie a tie properly.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“This is so fucking stupid,” Adam grumbled as he attempted to tie his tie for the hundredth time. Lawrence chuckled and carefully hobbled over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not stupid, this is a big opportunity for you. An interview with one of the biggest newspapers in the city,” Lawrence said. He wrapped his arms around Adam from behind and rested his head on the younger’s shoulder. Adam groaned again and let go of the tie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, why the hell do I have to dress up like some hoity toity businessman? I’m a fucking photographer, not some white collar asshole.” Adam moved away from Lawrence and over to the bed. He threw the tie on the bed in frustration. Lawrence shifted to watch him without a word. Adam had been stressed these past weeks and it had been showing. His mental state was crumbling around him and Adam was barely holding the pieces together. Both of them were trying their hardest to move on from the events of their shared game, which included getting back to work and visiting a therapist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Therapy had been very good for Adam and Lawrence had seen his improvement, but this week was one of his bad weeks. The memories were stronger, the panic attacks more frequent. Adam was smoking more and couldn’t sit still. He had managed to nab an interview with a newspaper company in the city as a photographer and as the date grew closer, his stress increased, and stress brought back more memories making him even more stressed. It was a painful cycle that had to be broken when it started or Adam would go down spiraling.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,” Lawrence said softly to get his attention. Adam ran a hand through his hair frustrated and looked over his shoulder at the blond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, this fucking tie is bullshit! I don’t even know how to fucking tie one. I shouldn’t have to wear one. Like, I never had to wear a tie before when I did other jobs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those jobs weren’t professional,” Lawrence pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It put food on the fucking table and paid my rent so I think that’s professional enough!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You spied on me, Adam. You spied on others too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was being paid to do a job! Don’t fucking tell me you didn’t also fuck shit up while you did your job, Mr. Doctorman! You’re just as guilty as I am! Don’t forget you were in that bathroom too!” Adam’s voice was raising and he was fidgeting, unable to stay still. Lawrence sighed and shifted his cane to the other hand. </span>
</p><p><span>“Adam, you can do this,” Lawrence moved closer to him and took one of Adam’s hands in his.</span> <span>“You’re a very talented young man, and your photography speaks for itself. I know you’ll ace this interview and get the job. They’d be stupid not to hire you. Just do this one thing and then you won’t have to wear a tie again.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“What if I do?” Adam asked. “What if I have to wear another tie? What if I can’t tie it on my own and it gets too hard for me to do?” I mean, fuck, how many other times am I gonna have to wear a tie for some shitty people who don’t give a fuck about me? Assholes who judge you based on how straight your tie is or whether or not you’re wearing one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stopped rambling and his attention returned to Lawrence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and I both know you’re not talking about the tie. I know you, Adam. You have a fire burning inside you that is unstoppable, one that makes you speak up for what you believe in and not back down. Life is going to be hard, yes, but I’ll be there for you the whole time.” Lawrence moved away from him and picked up the tie from the bed. He threaded it under Adam’s collar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it gets too hard for you to handle on your own, I’ll be right there to help you carry the weight. People are nasty creatures and you’ve seen that fact first hand. You’ve gone through so much that others don’t even think about. You’re one of the strongest people I know for facing that.” Lawrence began tying the tie as he spoke. Adam tilted his chin up some giving Lawrence more room to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not that strong, Larry,” Adam said softly. “I’m weak and pathetic-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not weak, Adam. You’re traumatized.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam chewed on his bottom lip as he thought this over. He locked eyes with Lawrence before looking away and deciding not to comment. Lawrence finished the knot and tightened it up around Adam’s neck being careful not to make it too tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You cannot heal without admitting you were hurt. You have to face it, learn from it, and grow stronger. Moments like that can change a person and that’s okay. You don’t have to be the person you were before it happened, Adam. You only need to be you and you’re ever changing and growing. Getting better every day, little by little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence kissed Adam’s forehead and took a step back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There, look how handsome you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled some and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Larry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anytime. Maybe afterwards I can teach you how to do it on your own, but if you still need help, just tell me.” Lawrence said. Adam closed the gap between them and pressed their foreheads together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I..I think I like having you tie my tie,” Adam said. “Don’t know if I’m ready to do it on my own yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll keep doing it.” Lawrence gently kissed him. When their lips parted, Adam was smiling. Lawrence chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, let’s get you to that interview.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cold Concrete and Warm Pillows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adam has another PTSD episode from the game. Lawrence calms him down by building a pillow fort, but maybe it isnt Adam who needed comforting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam’s entire body was trembling and he could hardly breathe. He could feel the tears threatening to fall as the blinding cold fear overtook him. He looked down to see the tight metal shackle around his ankle before it blinked out of existence. Adam reached forward for something to touch and knocked over the soap bottle next to the sink and some of Lawrence’s other items before his palms laid flat against the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked up into the mirror and saw the bloody, dirty, sweat covered Adam looking back at him with that damn room sprawling behind him. He felt like throwing up, but also feared he was going to pass out at any moment. There was a knock on the bathroom door at the edge of his consciousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?” Lawrence’s voice called in. “You alright in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-Lawrence,” Adam’s voice trembled and was high pitched with fear. He needed something real. He needed to know Lawrence was really here and not somewhere out there, leaving Adam behind with only a bloody foot where Lawerence had once been. Adam squeaked out another pathetic cry for Lawrence before he felt loving arms wrapping around his body and holding him close. Adam could hardly move and let himself be pressed against Lawrence’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all in your head,” Lawrence soothed as he ran his fingers through the trembling man’s hair. “It’s not real, Adam. It’s not real. You’re safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence continued to whisper to Adam, rocking him in his arms. Adam’s ear was pressed against Lawrence’s chest and he could hear the steady heartbeat inside. It was calming, rhythmic, real. It was another human being to talk to, to hold him, to remind Adam that he wasn’t alone anymore. He whimpered pathetically and hugged Lawrence. He hated being this weak and vulnerable, especially since he was an adult and not some young child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His father had always made it very clear to Adam and his brothers that real men were not weak, that real men did not give in to others easily and did not cry. While the part of Adam’s brain that clung to his formative years wanted to point to these moments as examples to why he should feel guilty for these attacks, the reasonable part of his brain gave the middle finger to the memory of his father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had been through a traumatic experience and was fucked up. It was only natural to have moments like these. He was healing, learning to become human again every day and forget the haunting memory. That was what Lawrence and Adam’s therapist had been telling him after all, and they were doctors. They had to be right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we do something fun?” Lawrence asked once Adam had stopped trembling. The younger man nodded before removing himself from Lawrence’s hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go get changed into some comfortable clothes and meet me in the living room, alright?” Lawrence pecked Adam’s forehead before leaving the bathroom. Adam found his way back to the bedroom and changed out of his jeans and flannel into sweat pants and one of Lawrence’s hoodies. It was an older one that he hardly wore anymore, but it was perfect for Adam. Not only was it nice and big and snuggly, but it smelled like the doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam hadn’t realized how long he had spent just standing in the bedroom smelling the sleeves and spacing out until he heard Lawrence call his name from the other room. He quickly headed out so as to not keep Lawrence waiting any longer. Before him was Lawrence trying to finish up a blanket and pillow fort amongst the couch and tv space. Lawrence turned to face him and gestured to the fort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I give you the Gordon-Faulker-Stanheight pillow fort!” Lawrence said proudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How..How do you know how to make this?” Adam asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know if you remember, Adam, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> a father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, just kinda assumed Alison did that shit. I mean, what with you being busy all the time before and what not.” Adam rubbed the back of his neck a bit awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can talk about my certification in fort making later. I already put your chips in there along with the switch.” Lawrence moved one of the blankets aside and Adam couldn’t help but crawl inside. The inside was lined with pillows and more blankets along with some snacks Lawrence had grabbed from the kitchen. Adam snuggled in already feeling comforted by the closed in space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence struggled to get in at first, but soon he was snuggled up next to Adam in the warm fort. There was not much said between them as Lawrence spooned Adam and Adam became lost in the world of Animal Crossing. Every now and again Lawrence would make a comment about a fossil spot, or to check on a villager that he liked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam already felt much calmer and the episode had been forgotten about for the time being. No longer was his brain plagued by the cold concrete floor, the damp cold creeping into his aching body, or the deafening silence as he cried in the darkness alone. There was only the softness of blankets, the warmth of Lawrence’s body, and the gentle music from his game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam felt Lawrence’s throat rumble against his shoulder as he let out a low hum. It was the kind of hum Lawrence would make when he was lost in thought about something. Adam turned his head slightly and pecked Lawrence’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno what you’re thinkin, Larry, but quit it. No thinkin’ in the pillow fort.” Adam said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I can’t help but just think that..maybe, maybe if I had been faster things would be easier for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam paused his game and rolled over to face Lawrence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The hell you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence seemed uneasy as he shifted his position. “Well, you were left alone for so long. I promised to get help-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But if I managed to get help there faster you wouldn’t have been alone for as long as you were. If I had just been thinking properly. I don’t know, I keep thinking about it and maybe it’s silly, but I just feel, well, I’m not sure.” Lawrence said furrowing his brows. “I’m not sure what I feel when I think about what happened. It just unsettles me and ends up in my thoughts whenever I see you struggling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, what you're feeling is regret.” Adam said quietly. They met eyes for a moment as the realization hit Lawrence before he looked away. Adam put a hand on Lawrence’s cheek and rubbed his thumb over his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been helping me this whole time, but who’s helping you, Larry? I know you’re trying to be strong for my sake, but you don’t have to be strong. If you’ve taught me anything, the strongest thing you can do is admit you need help.” Adam moved his hand up and ran his fingers through Lawrence’s hair in a similar way to how Lawrence would comfort Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to us wasn’t some kind of rehabilitation like that nutcase wants us to think,” Adam said. “I didn’t need an old man with a sick sense of humor to tell me my life was meaningless. Going to bed starving was enough to tell me that. I know I deal with what happened much more poorly than you do, but jesus fucking christ Lawrence, we were tortured for six hours! No one walks away from that a sane man!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam pressed his forehead against Lawrence’s holding his face. For a moment he could feel the pain in his shoulder, the desperation as he clung to Lawrence on that floor, tears pouring out his eyes. Adam had to swallow the memory down to keep another episode from sprouting up. This was his time to be strong for Lawrence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how long I’m going to be around, Larry, but I’m going to cherish every second I get with you. My life is meaningless and I know I’m a bastard who’s living on borrowed time. I should have died in that bathroom. You should have killed me. Maybe you’d still have your foot, maybe you’d still have your family and not a washed up asshole like me. I don’t know what would have happened. I just know that you’re here, I’m here, and I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam gently kissed Lawrence. The touch sent warm tingles all through Adam just like every time they kissed. He didn’t know if it was his love of Lawrence or just having another human being touching him in an emotionally intimate way that made him feel like that, but it didn’t matter. Life was going to be okay now. Adam could just feel it. Maybe Lawrence could get sessions with Adam’s therapist and they’d be able to work through it together. They could do this. They could do anything as long as it was together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Larry.” Adam repeated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Adam.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When the news causes a ptsd attack in Adam, Lawrence accidentally lets the truth slip out.<br/>Takes place after Saw 2</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Lawrence hummed to himself as he cut the pizza into slices. He wasn’t one for pizza normally, as he and Alison had always tried to keep pizza as a special treat for Diana rather than a staple in her diet, but since moving in with Adam, pizza had become an important part of their Friday nights. Friday night was the one night Lawrence actually had off work. He would turn his phone and pager off and he and Adam would watch terrible B-movies and eat pizza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was his one day of relief amongst all the stress of helping those in need. He only had to focus on Adam and only Adam on Friday night. Today had already been going quite well. Adam hadn’t had an attack in a few days, and both of them were in high spirits. Things seemed to be finally getting better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, pizza is ready!” Lawrence called. There was no response other than the voices of the television from the other room. Lawrence grabbed his cane and walked to the door of the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam? Did you hear me?” Lawrence asked. “I said the pizza is ready. Come get it before it gets cold.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam and the couch faced away from Lawrence towards the tv where the news was running. Adam’s body was stiff and he still did not react. Lawrence looked to the television and felt his heart drop into his stomach. John Kramer’s face was plastered right on the screen in full view. Beneath it read, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jigsaw Killer Escapes Capture’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam?” Lawrence moved closer to the couch and slowly came around to the front. Adam was pale, paler than normal. His eyes wide in fear as tears ran down his cheeks. The remote had fallen out of his trembling hand, but his hand stayed in the position of holding the remote. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence picked up the remote and shut off the tv before turning his attention back to Adam. He pulled the younger man into a hug without a word. Adam latched on tightly, his whole body quivering with fear. Lawrence ran his hands through Adam’s hair trying to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” he whispered. “It’s alright, Adam, you’re safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-He’s still out there, Lawrence. He’s going to come back because I didn’t die! Jigsaw is going to come back, Lawrence!” Adam’s voice grew higher pitched as his grip tightened on Lawrence’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, Adam listen to me. Jigsaw is not going to come back for you. You’re safe.” Lawrence said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How the hell do you know?! You cut off your fucking foot, Larry! You escaped! You weren’t left in that fucking bathroom alone to die!” Adam yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not being targeted, Adam!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fucking lie to me! You don’t know shit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes I do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you fucking don’t, Lawrence! You don’t know!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know because I work for him, Adam!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stared blankly at Lawrence and let go of him. He sat back on the couch, his body nearly crumpling against the cushions. Lawrence slowly reached a hand towards Adam’s face to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fucking touch me, Lawrence.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence moved his hand back unsure of what to do now. Adam wasn’t looking at him. He hadn’t meant to let the truth slip like that. Lawrence had hoped to make this moment easier and slowly lead Adam into the truth, but it tumbled out of his mouth before he could even think of what he was saying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You..you work for him?” Adam looked up at Lawrence, his eyes begging for it to be a lie. Adam so desperately wanted this to be some kind of sick joke, some kind of way to try and calm Adam’s fears that was horribly backfiring.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Adam. I help John with this work.” Lawrence said gently. “You’re safe, I promise. He won’t hurt you. I know you don’t have to believe me, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you ever going to tell me?” Adam’s voice cracked as he started getting choked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long? How long have you been with him? Did..did you leave me there on purpose? Is that why it took so long? Because you were enjoying my pain?” Adam’s voice was so broken sounding and small. He couldn’t make eye contact with Lawrence as all the different thoughts turned inside his head. None of them were true, but how was Lawrence supposed to tell Adam that? Even if he did tell him, there was no guarantee that Adam would believe him. He supposed only the truth could be said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, none of that is true, Adam. John took me in right after I crawled out of the bathroom. He found me on the ground, injured, dizzy, disoriented. I had no idea who he was when I saw him. I thought he was someone who could help us. I don’t remember much of what happened because I was in and out of consciousness from the bloodloss. I just know he tended to my leg and gave me a prosthetic,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kept telling him to get you, to call the police. I didn’t know who he was until later. Adam, I didn’t know how long I was unconscious or how many days passed. When I finally was stable, you were released. God, I’m sorry, Adam. I tried to get you out of there like I promised,” Lawrence gently took one of Adam’s hands and held it in his. “I tried to keep it all a secret to protect you. You’re traumatized and I didn’t want to be another fear in your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No fucking shit,” Adam mumbled. “You’re a monster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words pierced right through Lawrence’s heart. Horrible guilt and sadness spread through him sending his thoughts into desperation. He couldn’t lose Adam too. He couldn’t handle going through that again. Lawrence carefully kneeled down in front of Adam still holding onto his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, I know I’m not perfect. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and told so many lies. All of my mistakes lead up to this one moment of truth. I cannot lie to you about this and I refuse to. Hate me all you want, Adam, but I love you with my entire soul. Nothing is going to change that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s blue eyes finally looked at Lawrence and Lawrence could see the hatred and broken spirit behind them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lied to me. You lied to me about who you are, Larry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam, you know who I am.” Lawrence said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I do anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence could only stare in disbelief. Adam got up from the couch and Lawrence moved back to give him room. Without another word, Adam walked out of the living room and down the hall. The bedroom door slammed as Adam isolated himself in their shared bedroom leaving Lawrence alone with his guilt. He thought they had made it through Hell together, but they had never truly left it and never would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John Kramer had been both a blessing and curse in Lawrence’s life and in this moment he wanted to swear off everything to do with John and his legacy and focus solely on the man who needed him most, but life never really was that easy. He couldn’t simply walk away from it now. All Lawrence could do was hold onto what mattered to him as tight as he could and pray to whatever god was listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence was not a religious man and the only god he knew of now was Jigsaw, the man who had completely changed his life and given him not only a new identity, but new purpose. It would take a lot of work, but Adam would see the light. He would come to his senses and soon be working right at Lawrence’s side helping people change their cruel ways. Adam was a beautiful firework when he was passionate and Lawrence so desperately wanted to ignite that fire again and he knew that fire would return in time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam just needed some time alone.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Deafening Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adam is left alone in the bathroom after Lawrence has crawled out. He doesn't know how long it's been since, but he's starting to hallucinate.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam blinked his tired eyes as a low groan escaped him. He had no idea how long it had been since being stuck in this fucking room. There was a clock on the wall, and even now he could hear its steady ticking, but the inky black darkness that clung to every corner of the room prevented him from seeing the time. Every inch of Adam’s body ached, especially his shoulder. The bullet wound had gone numb from the pain awhile ago, but the ache was still there when he shifted wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laid his head back against the cold tile of the bathroom wall behind him and sighed. So this room really was going to be the room that he died in. Every stupid choice, every cigarette he smoked, every fleeting moment of hope that he could crawl out of the squalor and into a life of artistic pleasure had led to this bathroom and his inevitable demise. Adam wished he had never taken the job against Lawrence, but he had been so hungry that week and he couldn’t pass up another chance at being paid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one was coming back for him. Even if Lawrence had escaped, that man who had put them here had surely found him and murdered Lawrence in his time of weakness. There was no way the doctor could defend himself when he was without a foot and bleeding out. It had been too long since Lawrence had left. No one one was coming for Adam and here he would rot just like the forgotten sinks and cracked mirrors that no longer saw the maintenance of people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence,” Adam said into the darkness. “I don’t want to be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam tried his best to mimic the doctor’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Adam, we just have to keep our heads up. There’s got to be a way out of this. I promised I’d bring back help, didn't I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed to himself and shut his eyes. “You did, Larry, but you’re not coming back. You’re not fucking coming back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that, Adam. I’m a man of my word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would a man of his word cheat on his wife?” Adam asked with a slight chucked. He opened his eyes slightly and swore he could see Lawrence’s shape in the darkness on the other side of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know as well as I did that I didn’t cheat,” Lawrence replied. “You were there, weren’t you? Besides, you’re not really one to talk about wanting things you can’t have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I want that damn key so I can get the fuck out of here,” Adam said. Lawrence chuckled and stood up from where he sat on the floor. Adam knew that it wasn’t real, but he could sense the excitement filling him as Lawrence crossed the room and stopped in front of him. Adam looked up at him, unable to stop the hope that this was the real Lawrence coming back for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what you mean and we both know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence crouched down in front of him and Adam felt his breath hitch. He could almost reach out and touch his face. He could feel Lawrence’s eyes studying him as he remained chained to the rusted water pipe. Adam yearned to feel the physical touch of another human being, even if it was pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lawrence,” Adam whispered reaching a hand out to try and touch him. Lawrence simply moved back slightly to be out of reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know why you’re really here, Adam. We both know it. You wanted me more than anything else.” Lawrence said “You took the job for the money, but once you saw me, you didn’t quit because you wanted me for your own. Admit it, Adam. You’re a hopeless gay man dreaming of a stranger who doesn’t know you exist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears welled up in Adam’s eyes as his hand slowly lowered. He had never fully thought about his sexuality in depth since it was always something he had wanted to avoid. Sure, Adam caught himself having the occasional thought about men around him, but he had always forced it down deep inside him away from the light of day. Men didn’t love other men. His father had told him that plenty of times before in his youth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now here he was alone in a forgotten bathroom, hallucinating a man that he had fantasized about in the dead of night before he watched him saw his own foot off and crawl out of the room. Adam was desperate for human contact to the point of madness, and it seemed madness came in the form of a gay awakening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, maybe, maybe I did want you,” Adam said. “But you’d never care for someone like me, Lawrence. You’re a high class doctor and I’m just a shitty photographer who can’t even pay his own rent. I just wanted to pretend someone like you would like a person like me. I knew I should have quit the job. Something felt wrong about it and I should have trusted my gut. I wouldn’t be fucking dying alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam broke down in tears sobbing. He didn’t want to die here. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. All he had ever wanted was another soul to love him, but now he would take anything, even the pure hatred of another person if it meant he would live to see another day. Adam wanted to see the sun again, feel the wind on his face, smell french fries on the air from the boardwalk, feel the touch of another human being holding him. If he was to die, then let Jigsaw return and kill him brutally. Adam would accept anything compared to the agonizing demise he was now fated to have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam’s sobs slowly subsided as he cried himself out. There were no more tears left inside him and all he could do now was rest his exhausted body and try to forget the cold breath of death on the back of his neck as it watched his sluggish descent. Adam could still feel hallucination Lawrence looking at him judgmentally. Let him stare all he wanted. He wasn’t real and Adam had already come to terms with his sins. He had no idea of if there really was a God, but if there was, Adam wasn’t getting into Heaven. After all, he was already in Hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes fluttered as Adam drifted in and out of consciousness. The blackness around him swirled into different shapes of people. He saw his friends walking away from him into the darkness, Scott waving for him to join them before he gave up and left. He could see the form of Lawrence watching from the other side of the room. Adam had no idea what was real, what was a dream, and what was a hallucination. It all mixed into one state of being. He saw the form of a man in front of him briefly before it blinked out of existence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hand suddenly touched Adam’s cheek and he jumped screaming in fear. This wasn’t a hallucination. He could feel an actual hand touching him. He felt the skin to skin contact and the warmth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice was not Lawrence’s and it threw Adam into complete confusion. It was low and raspy sounding. It almost sounded comforting like a wise grandfather. Despite how real the hand on his cheek felt, Adam was convinced that he was so far gone that this was just another hallucination. After all, when you’re that far gone, why wouldn’t he have physical hallucinations too?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re alive, Adam. You’re alive because of the kindness of another. Most people when given the chance to save themselves over another human being would commit horrible acts, but not this time. Can you say that you would do the same for another, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I..I don’t know,” Adam’s voice was hoarse and it trembled with fear. “I killed a man. He was going to kill Lawrence and me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you are worthy of the life you possess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I want to be, but know I don’t deserve it. If I could live, if I could just try again, fuck I never meant to hurt people. I just didn’t want to starve.” Adam felt like crying again but he wasn’t sure he had anything else left inside him. “I just wanted to pretend Lawrence would like someone like me. I wanted to pretend to be happy for once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like that second chance to be happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked up at the man in front of him to find the face from before staring back at him in the darkness. The supposedly dead man who had risen from the floor had returned, only this time he was clean of blood and merged right into the shadows. He was the angel of death here to collect Adam’s soul. In that moment, Adam was positive he was going to die at the hands of this man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Adam was at peace with that thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. If I can’t live, please let me die. I don't want to be alone anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t be alone anymore, Adam. I want you to become my apprentice. I will free you from the sins that shackle you and give you new life, but only if you are willing to work for it. Are you willing, Adam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam nodded. “I..I’m willing. I want to live. I just want to see Lawrence again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man moved and Adam heard a click sound before the shackle on his ankle was removed. Adam reached down and felt his freed foot. This wasn’t a dream. Adam was actually free of the chain. He looked back up to the man who had set him free. He was holding out a hand to help him stand up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome to your new life, Adam. We have a lot of work to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lawrence writes out a note for a certain someone while Adam comes in with the latest news. <br/>Set during Saw 5</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lawrence sat at his desk writing out the note in sharpie. He had to keep his breathing even as he wrote the damning words on the paper before him. Mark Hoffman had become a monster and needed to be reminded just exactly who’s game he was playing. He had gotten cocky and it was putting the entire legacy in danger. Hoffman was putting everything John had created at risk. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know who you are.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence picked up the slip of paper and slid it into the envelope before sealing it and writing Hoffman’s name on it. If Mark believed he was being followed, perhaps he would back off and actually think about what he was doing for once. Lawrence placed the envelope in his bag right as his desk phone began to ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Gordon,” He said, picking up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Gordon, Adam is here to see you.” The nurse at the front desk said on the other end. Lawrence smiled as he felt the warm fuzziness fill his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Send him in, Carrie. I’ll be taking my lunch soon anyways.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Dr. Gordon. Have a good lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence hung up and tidied his desk. The door opened and Adam peeked his head in nervously before coming in and shutting the door behind him. He had a newspaper gripped tightly in his hand.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Larry, have you seen the news?” Adam asked. “I mean, have you seen what’s in the paper?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam held the paper up to read it, not waiting for Lawrence’s reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jigsaw killer found dead,” Adam began. “Larry, have you SEEN this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Adam, I have seen it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam walked over to the desk and slapped the newspaper on the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but did you see the part where dicklips was credited as a hero for supposedly saving that little girl? Lawrence, you know as well as I do he didn’t save her! He’s a nut job, Larry! A fucking nut job!” Adam shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence leaned forward and put a hand over Adam’s on the newspaper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy, tiger. Keep your voice down. I know Hoffman is unstable, but John had his reason for choosing him to carry on his work. We have to trust that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So while Hoffman flies off the handle killing people with his dick fuckin’ hard, all we can do is just sit by and wait until he decides we aren’t needed anymore? No, fuck that. I did not sit in that bathroom alone for three days just to die to the hands of that fucking douchebag, Larry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on earth are you talking about?” Lawrence asked. Adam leaned forward pressing his forehead to Lawrence’s so they were nose to nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m talking about the fact he sabotaged Amanda’s test.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam moved back and reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a note. He unfolded it and placed it on the desk in front of Lawrence. Adam crossed his arms and looked between Lawrence and the note. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on, read it.” Adam said. Lawrence picked up the note and looked it over. It was written in pen and looked alot like Amanda’s handwriting. Lawrence’s brow furrowed as he read it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Adam,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you’re reading this, then I ended up dying. Hoffman knows what I did before becoming John’s apprentice. I have to kill Lynn or he will tell John. I have to go through with this for my own reasons. I hope you can understand that. I am only writing this so you and Lawrence know not to trust him if John and I do not make it past tonight. People don’t change, Adam, and Hoffman won’t either. He’s a killer. He’s going to try and kill us all, even you and Lawrence. I just know it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Amanda</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you get this?” Lawrence asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was in your duffle bag after you left the meat packing plant before the test began.” Adam said. “I was going to do laundry so I unpacked your bag. It had my name on it. Lawrence, what are we going to do? He’s going to kill us. You, because you worked for John, and me because, well, I’m dating you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence sat back in his chair and laid the note down on the desk. This was definitely a delicate situation to be placed in and it was one that was not so easily predictable. Mark Hoffman was a wild card and not many things about him were predictable. Lawrence only knew that Hoffman had an unsatiated desire for blood and would kill without hesitation, but as to when he would choose to hide in the shadows and when he would strike was a complete mystery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence looked back up from the note to Adam. He was shifting uneasily in front of Lawrence, arms still crossed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s scared.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lawrence thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to wait until John’s will comes out. I’m sure Jill will take over from there and if I am needed, then I will act accordingly. Until then, my work has finished. I do not obey Mark and will not be working with him.” Lawrence said, his voice cold and unfeeling much like the tone he took on with his patients. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam seemed unconvinced. His eyes were filled with worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bear, he’s going to kill us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence opened his arms and motioned for Adam. He came around the desk and hugged Lawrence, bending over a bit to be able to nuzzle his face into Lawrence’s shoulder. Lawrence ran his hand through Adam’s hair comfortingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both scared, but they approached the situation differently. Adam feared for both of their lives, seeing Mark as a ruthless killer that was the monster who haunted his dreams. Lawrence, however, saw Mark as a dangerous adult child who would fly into a temper tantrum of murder if not given what he wanted. Lawrence feared the damage that Mark could do, but he did not fear for his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam let out a small shuddering gasp as his emotions worked him up enough to tears. Lawrence gently shushed him and began to pepper his face with loving butterfly kisses. He gently kissed his lips and held Adam’s face in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, you’re safe, dear. I won’t let you go.” Lawrence said lovingly. “As long as you’re with me, no one is going to harm one hair on your head. I will stand between you and every evil in this world. Not God or Satan themselves could stop me from protecting you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence kissed Adam’s forehead. Adam moved his hands up to hold Lawrence’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Larry. I’ll protect you with my entire life, too. I know I’m not as strong willed as you are, but no one is going to take you from me again. I’ve seen Hell, and I’ll bring Hell if I have to. We’re in this together till the end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence kissed him again and nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Till the end, my dear.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Graveside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adam pays his respects to a certain grave site and mourns. Lawrence tries to console him.<br/>Spoilers for Saw 3/4</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rain pattered down on a figure that stood alone amongst the quiet grave stones. The cold air only made it more bitter as thunder rumbled above. It didn’t matter how wet his sneakers were getting or how the damp cold was starting to soak into his bones, Adam would not move from this spot. His eyes were fixed on the gravestone before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Amanda Young</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>1983-2006</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t been able to see her one last time like he had wanted. Going to the funeral would have been too risky. Adam hadn’t properly talked to Amanda outside of John’s work since college which would have made him stand out amongst her family that attended. Instead, Adam hung back at a distance watching them, appearing to be just another bystander visiting loved ones buried in the cemetery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now here he stood a few days later, unable to live with the guilt. Maybe he could have done something to help her. Maybe if he had been nicer to her in college they could have grown closer. Maybe he could have helped prevent any of this from happening. Amanda would still be alive, Adam wouldn’t fear enclosed spaces or the darkness, and Lawrence would still have his family and foot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam bit his lower lip as he felt a wave of sadness roll over him, threatening to make him cry. It wouldn’t matter if he did. He was alone in the rain. No one but himself would know, but his upbringing refused to let himself cry. Men didn’t cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned to see Lawrence walking over to him. He was slower and struggling to get a proper footing for his cane in the mud and uneven grass. In the other hand, Lawrence held a black umbrella. Once he was close enough, Lawrence held the umbrella over Adam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to catch your death out here. Look at you, you’re soaked to the bone,” His voice held the caring tone of a tired father. Sometimes Adam wondered if he was just some kind of emotional replacement for losing Diana for Lawrence. It hurt thinking about that being the only reason Lawrence kept him around, but at least Adam now had someone actually caring about him. It wasn’t ideal, but he would take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s over, right?” Adam asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t follow,” Lawrence said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, all this. He’s dead. She’s dead. There’s nothing left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not over,” Lawrence said softly. “There’s more work to be done. It’s only the beginning, Adam. We aren’t the only ones left and we have to keep his legacy alive. You know that. It’s what John wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could have saved her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam looked back to the gravestone as the sadness pushed up again. It got closer to breaking the emotional barrier he had created, but it wasn’t quite enough. Lawrence sighed and made Adam take the umbrella before he put his hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can focus on all the coulds and shoulds until the end of time, or we can choose to not let Amanda die in vain,” Lawrence said. “I know you cared about her, and I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. We’ll figure this all out in time, but for right now we need to get you home and dry you off. You’re soaked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam said nothing in response. He held the umbrella out to Lawrence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just head back to the car. I’ll be there in a moment. I need a few more minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lawrence knew there was no fighting him at this point. He took the umbrella from Adam and headed back the way he had come, leaving the young man alone with the dead. Rain rolled down Adam’s face as another crack of lighting set the sky ablaze. His anger was rising deep inside him fueling his never ending flame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise you, Amanda, he will pay. Mark Hoffman will pay for what he’s done. He thinks that just because you’re dead that he’s gotten off scot free, but he forgot about us. He forgot about me. As long as I’m here, you’ll still have a voice. I speak for the dead.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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